I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I touched a dick in church today
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
