I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
