remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
