I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
