there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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