Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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