Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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