so explain again why im purple
no
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
