I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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