i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
