what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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