Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
