apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
