brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize