just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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