his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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