Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
