so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
