someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
