Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
