i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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