So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
