I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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