she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They took my balls.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
