Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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