Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
