I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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