Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
