I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize