when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
