my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've blown a few things in my day
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
