hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
