I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
