Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
