i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
