I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
