First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
