It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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