Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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