im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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