There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
