that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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