Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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