You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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