I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
