I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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