Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
