Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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