what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
