Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
