It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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