the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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