im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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