I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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