I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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